Sardars Battle America
Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says.
"This is Santa Singh down in Chandigadh, Punjab. I am
ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on
"Well, Santa Singh," Bill replies, "This indeed is important
news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," says Santa Singh after a moments
calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Banta Singh, my
next door neighbour Gurjinder and the entire Kabbadi team
from the Village. That makes 8!"
Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Santa Singh that I
have 1million men in my army waiting to move on my word."
"OK," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Santa Singh calls back. "Right Mr.
Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire
"What equipment would that be, Santa Singh?" Bill asks.
"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Gill's
tractor from the farm." Once more Bill sighs and says, "I
must tell you Santa Singh that I have 50,000 tanks, 2000
mine layers,10,000 armored cars and my army has increased to
1 and a half million since we last spoke." "I'll be dogged!"
says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Santa Singh calls again the next day."Right Mr.
Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to get
ourselves airborne! We've gotten out old Govind's crop
sprayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the
Hockey team has joined us as well!"
Once more Bill sighs and says "I must tell you Santa Singh
that I have 4000 bombers and 8000 high maneuverability
attack planes and my military installations are surrounded
by laser guided surface to air missiles and since we last
spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Oh cripes," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back."
Santa Singh calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Clinton, I
am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm very happy to hear that," says Bill. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"
"Well," says Santa Singh, "We've all had a chat and to be
sure, there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners of war."
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