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Letter from the US

The Inscrutable Americans
                      -------------------------
       
  Dear brother,
       
  greetings to respectful parents. I am hoping all is well with health and 
  wealth. I am fine at my end. Hoping your end is fine too. With God's 
  grace and parents' blessings I am arriving safely in America and finding 
  good apartment near University. Kindly assure mother that I am strictly 
  consuming vegetarian food only in restaurants though I am not knowing if 
  cooks are Brahmins. I hope parents' prayers are residing with me.
       
  Younger brother, I am having so many things to tell you that I am not 
  knowing where to sart. Most surprising thing about America is it is full 
  of Americans. Everywhere Americans, Americans, big and white, it is 
  little frightening. The flight from New Delhi to New York is arriving 
  safely thanks to God's grace and Parents' prayers and mine too. I am not 
  able to go to bathroom whole time because I am sitting in corner seat as 
  per revered grandmother's wish. Father is rightly scolding that airplane 
  is flying too high to have good view. Still please tell her I have done 
  needful.
       
  But, brother, in next two seats are sitting two old gentle ladies and if 
  I am getting up then they are put in lot of botheration so I am not 
  getting up for except when plane is stopping for one hour in London. 
  Many foods are being served in carts but I am only eating cashew nuts 
  and bread because I am not knowing what is food and what is meat.
  I am having a good time drinking 37 glasses of Coca-Cola.
       
  They are rolling down a screen and showing a film but I am not listening 
  because air hostess ladies are selling head phones for 2 dollars which 
  is Rs.60 and in our beloved Jajau townwe can sit in balcony seats in 
  Regal Talkies for only Rs.3. I am asking lady if they are giving student 
  discount but she is too busy. I am also asking her for more Coca-Cola 
  but she is looking like she is weeping and walking away. I think perhaps 
  she is not understanding proper English.
       
  Then I am sleeping long time after London and when I am waking it is 
  like we are flying over sea of lights. Everywhere, brother, as far as I 
  am seeing there are lights lights. It is like God has made carpet of 
  lights. Then we are landing in New York and plane is going right upto 
  door so that we are not having to walk in cold. I must say Americans are 
  very advanced. And as I am leaving aeroplane, air hostess is giving me 
  one more can of Coca-Cola. Her two friends are also with her, but why 
  they are laughing  so much I do not know. I think these Americans are 
  strange but friendly people in their hearts. I hope she was not laughing 
  for racial. Perhaps she was feeling shy earlier.
       
  Then I am going to long bathroom. As I am leaving I am making first 
  friend in America. This is Negro gentleman named Joe who is standing at 
  door and as I am opening it he is holding out hand so I am shaking it 
  and telling him my name and he is tellng me his. I am telling him if he 
  is ever coming to Jajau he can ask for National Hair Oil Factory.  If I 
  have not returned from Higher Studies please tell father that if negro 
  gentleman named Joe is visiting Jajau he may kindly do needful.
       
  In this way I feel each and every one of us is serving as Ambassador of 
  our beloved Motherland. Joe is doubtful I feel because he says "Far out, 
  man, far out", but I am reassuring him that India is only 16 hours away 
  by plane and that is not very far. I think he is accepting this because 
  he is not saying anything any more.
       
  Next I go to place marked " Baggage" as Father has advised and suddenly 
  place I am sitting starts to move throwing me. It is like python we once 
  saw in forest, only rattling and with luggage bouncing on its back and 
  sometimes leaping to attack passengers. I am also throwing myself on bag 
  before it is escaping. I think if I am not wrestling it down it would 
  revert to plane and back home to India. I am only joking of course. 
  Before this I am meeting very friendly gentleman at Immigration desk. I 
  do not know why all relatives had warned against this man, bacause he is 
  so friendly. He is talking English strangely but is having kind heart 
  because he is asking me about nuts and I am saying that I am liking very 
  much and eating many on plane. "Totally, totally nutss," he is saying, 
  which I feel American expression for someone fond of cashewnuts.  Before 
  this he is showing friendliness by asking "How is it going?" I am telling 
  his fully and frankly about all problems and hopes, even though you may 
  feel that as American he may be too selfish to bother about decline in 
  price of hair oil in Jajau town. But, brother, he is listening very 
  quietely with eyes on me for ten minutes and then we are having friendly 
  talk about nuts and he is wanting me to go.
       
  At Customs, brother, I am getting big shock. One fat man is grunting at 
  me and looking cleverly from small eyes. "First visit?" he is asking, 
  "Yes," I am agreeing "Move on," he is saying making chalk marks on bags. 
  As I am picking up bags he is looking directly at me and saying "Watch 
  your ass." Now, brother, this is wonderful. How he is knowing we are 
  purchasing donkey? I think they are knowing everything about everybody 
  who is coming to America.
       
  They are not allowing anybody without knowing his family and financial 
  status and other things. And we are only buying donkey two days before 
  my departure. I think they are keeping all information in computers. 
  Really these Americans are too advanced.
       
  But, brother, now I am worrying. Supposing this is CIA keeping watch or 
  else how they can know about our donkey? Anyway please do not tell Mother 
  and Father or they are worrying, but lock all doors and windows.  If CIA 
  wants to recruit me to be spy in Jajau, I will gladly take poison before 
  betraying our Motherland. Then I am going out and cousins are waiting and 
  receiving me warmly. I will write soon after settling down.
       
       Your brother,

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