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Letter from the US

The Inscrutable Americans



  Dear brother,


  greetings to respectful parents. I am hoping all is well with health and 

  wealth. I am fine at my end. Hoping your end is fine too. With God's 

  grace and parents' blessings I am arriving safely in America and finding 

  good apartment near University. Kindly assure mother that I am strictly 

  consuming vegetarian food only in restaurants though I am not knowing if 

  cooks are Brahmins. I hope parents' prayers are residing with me.


  Younger brother, I am having so many things to tell you that I am not 

  knowing where to sart. Most surprising thing about America is it is full 

  of Americans. Everywhere Americans, Americans, big and white, it is 

  little frightening. The flight from New Delhi to New York is arriving 

  safely thanks to God's grace and Parents' prayers and mine too. I am not 

  able to go to bathroom whole time because I am sitting in corner seat as 

  per revered grandmother's wish. Father is rightly scolding that airplane 

  is flying too high to have good view. Still please tell her I have done 



  But, brother, in next two seats are sitting two old gentle ladies and if 

  I am getting up then they are put in lot of botheration so I am not 

  getting up for except when plane is stopping for one hour in London. 

  Many foods are being served in carts but I am only eating cashew nuts 

  and bread because I am not knowing what is food and what is meat.

  I am having a good time drinking 37 glasses of Coca-Cola.


  They are rolling down a screen and showing a film but I am not listening 

  because air hostess ladies are selling head phones for 2 dollars which 

  is Rs.60 and in our beloved Jajau townwe can sit in balcony seats in 

  Regal Talkies for only Rs.3. I am asking lady if they are giving student 

  discount but she is too busy. I am also asking her for more Coca-Cola 

  but she is looking like she is weeping and walking away. I think perhaps 

  she is not understanding proper English.


  Then I am sleeping long time after London and when I am waking it is 

  like we are flying over sea of lights. Everywhere, brother, as far as I 

  am seeing there are lights lights. It is like God has made carpet of 

  lights. Then we are landing in New York and plane is going right upto 

  door so that we are not having to walk in cold. I must say Americans are 

  very advanced. And as I am leaving aeroplane, air hostess is giving me 

  one more can of Coca-Cola. Her two friends are also with her, but why 

  they are laughing  so much I do not know. I think these Americans are 

  strange but friendly people in their hearts. I hope she was not laughing 

  for racial. Perhaps she was feeling shy earlier.


  Then I am going to long bathroom. As I am leaving I am making first 

  friend in America. This is Negro gentleman named Joe who is standing at 

  door and as I am opening it he is holding out hand so I am shaking it 

  and telling him my name and he is tellng me his. I am telling him if he 

  is ever coming to Jajau he can ask for National Hair Oil Factory.  If I 

  have not returned from Higher Studies please tell father that if negro 

  gentleman named Joe is visiting Jajau he may kindly do needful.


  In this way I feel each and every one of us is serving as Ambassador of 

  our beloved Motherland. Joe is doubtful I feel because he says "Far out, 

  man, far out", but I am reassuring him that India is only 16 hours away 

  by plane and that is not very far. I think he is accepting this because 

  he is not saying anything any more.


  Next I go to place marked " Baggage" as Father has advised and suddenly 

  place I am sitting starts to move throwing me. It is like python we once 

  saw in forest, only rattling and with luggage bouncing on its back and 

  sometimes leaping to attack passengers. I am also throwing myself on bag 

  before it is escaping. I think if I am not wrestling it down it would 

  revert to plane and back home to India. I am only joking of course. 

  Before this I am meeting very friendly gentleman at Immigration desk. I 

  do not know why all relatives had warned against this man, bacause he is 

  so friendly. He is talking English strangely but is having kind heart 

  because he is asking me about nuts and I am saying that I am liking very 

  much and eating many on plane. "Totally, totally nutss," he is saying, 

  which I feel American expression for someone fond of cashewnuts.  Before 

  this he is showing friendliness by asking "How is it going?" I am telling 

  his fully and frankly about all problems and hopes, even though you may 

  feel that as American he may be too selfish to bother about decline in 

  price of hair oil in Jajau town. But, brother, he is listening very 

  quietely with eyes on me for ten minutes and then we are having friendly 

  talk about nuts and he is wanting me to go.


  At Customs, brother, I am getting big shock. One fat man is grunting at 

  me and looking cleverly from small eyes. "First visit?" he is asking, 

  "Yes," I am agreeing "Move on," he is saying making chalk marks on bags. 

  As I am picking up bags he is looking directly at me and saying "Watch 

  your ass." Now, brother, this is wonderful. How he is knowing we are 

  purchasing donkey? I think they are knowing everything about everybody 

  who is coming to America.


  They are not allowing anybody without knowing his family and financial 

  status and other things. And we are only buying donkey two days before 

  my departure. I think they are keeping all information in computers. 

  Really these Americans are too advanced.


  But, brother, now I am worrying. Supposing this is CIA keeping watch or 

  else how they can know about our donkey? Anyway please do not tell Mother 

  and Father or they are worrying, but lock all doors and windows.  If CIA 

  wants to recruit me to be spy in Jajau, I will gladly take poison before 

  betraying our Motherland. Then I am going out and cousins are waiting and 

  receiving me warmly. I will write soon after settling down.


       Your brother,

  ---------------------------------------------- end of letter

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